Monthly Reflections 2018: Goodbye November, Hello December

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Looking back over November, and forwards to December:




I AM...PROUD OF

I'm proud of myself for speaking openly and honestly about my experiences, emotions and feelings. I'm also proud of my recovery journey and how I'm managing my health lately. I didn't think I'd ever be in this place of stability and inner peace, I'm proud of all the work I've put in to get here. It's been hard; really fucking hard! 


I AM...LETTING GO OF

Trying to please people. I don't want to be my people pleaser self anymore; what I mean by this is that I'm going through a bit of an identity crisis...there's me and then there's my society pleasing self, who I'm so fed up of. And I need to let go of that person who is not the real me, but someone I created as a result of societal pressures and expectations.


I AM...GRATEFUL FOR

My tribe ~ my mum, my brother, my best friends. I'm just bursting with gratitude for this tribe. I wouldn't be alive and well today without them. Every time I think "Oh my Buddha, I am so incredibly lucky!" they help and inspire and empower me some more. I really feel like the luckiest woman alive right now.

I'm also extremely grateful that I am in a place of stability at the moment, for the first time I am genuinely excited for end of year/ Christmas period, and even though I'm struggling with my Endometriosis these last couple days, I still feel this immense inner peace and happiness. I'm in such a zen place that I'm extremely suspicious of how I'll be punished for this...Oh there she is; my ol' friend Anxiety! Even with all my health issues and symptoms though, I'm doing and feeling good, and I couldn't be more grateful for this feeling. So, I'm going to enjoy it.


I AM...INSPIRED BY

My mum.

It's been an emotional and difficult month. Actually, it's been an emotional and difficult few years. My family and I have been through a lot, and I'm amazed at how we've survived, but I'm mostly amazed by my mum's strength and will to stand by her children. Her willingness to listen to learn, to ask questions to understand, to start conversations to find out how to best help & support us. I'm in awe of the woman that is my mother, and she inspires me daily to be a better me.


WHAT I'M LOVING THIS MONTH

MUSIC: 'Never Give Up' by Sia

PODCAST(S): Sandra and Homecoming ~ Both of these are so good!

WORDS: 'The Guilty Feminist's Deborah Frances-White talk at Stylist Live, on the power of confidence. She shared wisdom on how to up your self-esteem and cultivate your confidence game. Her words on including ourselves and including others rather than asking to be included were powerful and empowering! Examples of people who include themselves and then include others (rather than ask to be included) are Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, Oprah, and Ellen DeGeneres.

Also, these words by Prince Ea ~ @prince_ea ~ have really resonated with me: "Quit letting who you were talk you out of who you're becoming."

TV: 'There She Goes' on BBC Four and 'Homecoming' on Amazon Prime Video.

MOVIE(S): 'Hereditary (2018)' ~ Scariest movie I've seen in a long time. Tread carefully though, this film contains the most shocking and horryfying scenes I have ever seen.

TED TALKS: I HIGHLY recommend these talks ~


EVENT(S): I attended some inspirational events this month. Including the following ~



WHAT HAVE I LEARNED?

  • I can now self sooth during panic attacks! Here's what I do now: Ground myself by putting my bare feet on the floor/ground, breathe, close my eyes if possible, feel the sensations in my body (a short body scan) and remind myself that "I'm okay, I'm going to be okay" 'til it passes. 
  • I now listen to my emotions rather than suppress or ignore them.
  • I'm coping with elections much better these days. Woohoo!
  • I'm going through some kind of identity crisis ~ there's the real me and then there's a "need to please and conform to society" me; I'm working on only being the real me 24/7, without worrying about pleasing others #WorkInProgress. 


MANTRA(S) FOR DECEMBER  

"Quit letting who you were talk you out of who you're becoming"
Prince Ea

"I always trust the direction of the universe and know I'm being guided"
Micaela Ezra via Gabby Bernstein

"Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going too fast - you also miss the sense of where you are going and why"
Eddie Cantor


See you next month! x

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