This is Me // My Mania


I much prefer my Mania to my Depression, I genuinely feel high. I  want to run and dance outside naked, especially if it's raining. I want to dance for days straight, I want to dress up in funky things, even if I'm at home doing nothing. I want to clean everything, and just do ALL the work.

Sleep becomes a thing of the past and it feels like I will be awake forever - eyes WIDE open! I don't care much for food or staying hydrated. I lose all control of my spending. I become super sensitive and bright lights hurt my eyes; everything tastes like ash, and sounds become extremely louder.

I feel like I can fly. Oh the restlessness.

In short, moderation disappears from my world, and I  want to do all the things!

By Allie Brosh at Hyperbole and a Half 

Even though, personally, it feels high and not shit like my depression, Mania is still dangerous, extremely exhausting and difficult to manage. When it leaves, it leaves me breathless (in a bad way) and so tired that I lose control of my body and collapse in bed praying for better days. My surroundings become so surreal; is THIS real? My bones are shaking.

I've heard it being said that Mania is great and a break from mental illness. Personally, this definitely doesn't apply to me. Yes, it's less painful than depressive episodes, but it's no break. It's just as serious as Depression, as with Mania I can actually try to fly out of my window.

I am so fucking high.
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