The Book that Contributed to me Talking Sex

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‘Becoming’ by Laura Jane Williams entered my world at the perfect time; when I needed it most. I found Becoming; a memoir about “sex, second chances and figuring out who the hell I am”, just after having a mental breakdown and walking away from an abusive relationship. I felt done; done with being fucked over, and the author’s story was similar to mine but a few years ahead, so I obviously wanted to read this story and see how it ended.

The book helped me feel stronger and it made me feel like I needed to spend some time with myself; mind, body and soul. This included not sharing my body with anybody, so I went on an abstinence adventure and decided to search within myself (I know, what a cliché).

The author says that “None of us is fucking up like we think we are” and with ‘Becoming’ she really made me believe this. I also love that the book doesn’t end with a fairy-tale “Happily Ever After” type ending; where she goes off with her prince. The ending to ‘Becoming’ is REAL (SPOILER ALERT!) – the book ends with the author continuing her journey of self-discovery by herself, and that strongly contributed to my decision to be with myself and myself only for as long as I need.

Genuinely Me 

Being with myself kick-started my journey of self-healing; I discovered that I was very dishonest – not in a mean way, but more a “I hate myself and I’m too scared of others getting to know this horrible woman” kinda way. After spending some time with myself (thanks to my amazing therapist and this incredibly honest book) I felt empowered, and I am now slowly realising that I’m kind of a badass; I’m alright and if others don’t like me as I am, then they shouldn’t be in my life.

As a result, I started to talk and open-up and share honestly; I embraced my story; my truth, and claimed everything that ever happened to me. I also was suddenly extremely honest about my mental health; my emotions, my feelings, my opinions, my thoughts, my experiences.

Learning about me, inevitably, resulted in me acknowledging that I’ve been through a lot of abuse. And this is where I began to process all the abuse and traumatic experiences. I soon realised that it was impossible for me to continue healing if I didn’t explore, open-up and talk about sex.

My honesty also helped me understand that I needed time to heal; I couldn’t lie to myself anymore; I couldn’t say “I’m fine” and smile anymore. It hit me that I needed to allow myself to be sick and hit rock bottom to begin healing. Which sounds morbid, but my god it’s been liberating; it’s been really hard, but it has changed my life for the better and that makes it worthwhile and in my opinion; just bloody wonderful.

As part of my healing journey, I’ve not only resulted to embracing my truth and speaking honestly about me and my life, but I have also decided to sign up and go to lots of different events. One of these special events was an evening listening to Laura Jane Williams read from her book ‘Becoming’.

The Scarlet Ladies 

It all started with an Instagram post by the author; Laura Jane Williams. "Event Alert!" it said, followed by her telling us that she was going to be doing an event with the 'Scarlet Ladies Talk', which would involve readings from her memoir; Becoming, as well as open discussions on "love, sex, when the two collide and what happens when they don't..."

She had me at "I'll be doing readings from BECOMING" as it's one of my favourite books. The love + sex discussion part was just a huge BONUS!

The evening turned into a special, intimate gathering of inspiring, open and empowering women. Picture this: Approximately fifteen badass women, sat around in this gorgeous little room, having deep conversations and openly sharing their stories, in a safe and judgement-free environment.

My Buddha, we talked bad shags, communicating our wants and needs in the bedroom, orgasms (obvs!), masturbation (also, obvs!), acting like a porn star to please partners, relationships, pressures of marriage & children, and so, SO much more! You get the gist though -  it was hours of deep conversations, and it was one of the most liberating experiences I have had to date.

I left this event on a high, and needing MORE; something had shifted within me, and I couldn't go back to the person I was a few hours before that event. I needed to explore my sexuality more, and talk about my sexual experiences like I had never done before.

Now #ITalkSex too 

Forward to a few months after this talk, and thanks to that experience, I am now a full-on member of the Scarlet Ladies, and part of their #ITalkSex campaign (Yeah Baby!) And I’ve got to say, it's been life changing, bloody wonderful and I couldn't be more excited for this new adventure.

All in all, it’s like the author of ‘Becoming’ gave me permission to go after the things I want in life; it felt like a dear friend had told me that “it’s ok to feel things and want things and heal in your own time; it’s ok to live your life for you.” One of my favourite quotes is actually by this beautiful author and it sums this up perfectly, she says:

"You're the Heroine of your own life, Act like it!"
(Laura Jane Williams)

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